Leslie Morgan Steiner

“No one likes to be stereotyped, especially when it comes to motherhood.”

Leslie Morgan Steiner is an expert juggler—in addition to being the best-selling editor of Mommy Wars: Stay-at-Home and Career Moms Face Off on Their Choices, Their Lives, Their Families as well as a popular weekly columnist for Mommy Track’d and daily online columnist for The Washington Post, Leslie is also the busy mom of three.

In a recent interview with Patti Minglin, M2Moms E-ssentials editor, Leslie shared her insights on how a new generation is beginning to redefine motherhood (say hello to “Dad”) and how today’s brands can avoid getting caught in the “mommy wars.”

Minglin: Does the popularity of telecommuting and flex schedules add a new dimension to the “mommy wars?” Do those moms who opt into “work-from-home” opportunities have additional battles to fight?

LMS: Overall, the consensus seems to be that the more choices women have in juggling working and raising kids, the better – for moms, families, and our society. However, on my Washington Post and Mommy Track’D columns, I hear from working women that divisions can be drawn between fulltime working moms and those who’ve opted for part-time and flexible or telecommuting schedules, with the implication that the fulltime employees are more ambitious and more valuable to companies, which is not necessarily true. To a certain extent, these delineations are natural, especially in competitive work environments where men and women are jockeying to advance their careers; but occasionally I do hear of stories of female employees suffering unfairly, even when their work performance was outstanding, because of their lack of “face time” in the office. Companies where human talent is the biggest resource seem to recognize that very often, flexibility is free for companies to offer, and prized by all employees, whether or not they have children. These companies work extremely hard to change their cultures to support talented, high-performing employees who require a certain degree of flexibility in order to be good employees and manage their lives outside work simultaneously.

Minglin: For brands trying to connect with today’s moms, how do they avoid taking sides in this war and appeal to all moms? In other words, what core values do all moms seem to share?

LMS: Simple: all moms want to feel good about themselves as mothers, and no one likes to be stereotyped, especially when it comes to motherhood. Companies need to remember this when crafting brand identity and product messages. Instead of presenting an idealized, “aspirational” version of motherhood, which often backfires by alienating women, show motherhood in all its messy, chaotic, joyful, unique realities and women will respond positively.

Minglin: How have women of younger generations redefined motherhood and what does that mean for brands trying to reach them?

LMS: Younger generations of women do not seem to have the same “I must do it all” chip on their shoulders as women who were born in the first U.S. feminist wave of the 1960s and 70s. There seems to be a greater acceptance of having children earlier, and fitting one’s work around one’s personal life, instead of vice-versa. Younger women today still have to find the right balance between work and family, and there are still many equality issues to be negotiated at work and at home, but today’s moms benefit tremendously from the advances – and mistakes – made by their own mothers.

Minglin: Do you see the emergence of dads playing a bigger role in the family? How does this change the role of mom?

LMS: As much as the stereotype of the traditional mother has been exploded in the last generation, men’s roles as fathers have changed even more dramatically than women’s within the last 40 years. Studies show that men today spend three times as much time with their children on a daily basis as their own fathers, and they do far more household chores (although still significantly less than women). Additionally, the average family size has decreased. So we have an interesting equation here: high educated, involved mothers; increasingly involved fathers; and fewer children to go around. This leads to a dramatic increase in “helicopter parenting” of very involved – some argue overly involved – parents. But there are many signs that increased involvement by both parents is good for children and for adults, and hypothetically, at least, greater involvement by fathers gives mothers more flexibility when it comes to balancing work and family.

Minglin: You have a new column on MommyTrackd.com—what other exciting projects are you working on right now?

LMS: You know, the juggling act never ends!

I’m loving the Mommy Track’D gig because it offers me a chance to speak directly to my original tribe - - women who are enthusiastic and ambitious both about work and raising kids.

I’ve just completed my second book, a memoir about my first marriage. It’s called Crazy Love and will be published by St Martin’s Press in January 2009. Like Mommy Wars, this book’s hallmark, I hope, is its candor. However, because the book focuses on the mistakes I made as a young woman overwhelmed by romantic love, instead of the joys and challenges of motherhood, the project has been understandably a bit more painful than Mommy Wars.

My kids are now 11, 9 and 6. Motherhood continues to be a thoroughly captivating, demanding, exhausting and rewarding roller coaster ride.

Minglin: In the midst of your juggling, what book are you currently reading?

LMS: I usually have a few books going at once. My current favorites are Tatiana de Rosnay’s fantastic novel about a young Parisian girl growing up in the shadow of the Holocaust, Sarah’s Key; John Connelly’s mystical Book of Lost Things; and I’m rereading a favorite series from my childhood, James Herriot’s tales about being a Yorkshire vet, All Creatures Great and Small.